Inform Yourself

My good friend Jay Niblick, founder of Innermetrix International, recently completed a study called The Genius Project. His study became the basis for his latest book, What’s Your Genius? I have worked with Jay for many years assisting organizations and individuals achieve a higher level of performance.

While it didn't show up anywhere in the hard data, there is one trait which showed up time and time again in the interviews we conducted. One of the questions I asked each interviewee was, “how do you define success and what is one of your greatest successes in life?” In almost every single case, every person gave me a very different answer than I expected. I was expecting to hear that they defined success as the achievement of business goals, or the money they had made, or fame, or power, or some other worldly manifestation and typical definition of success. What I heard, however, was that they defined success as “being happy”. When I asked them what they were happy about I was equally surprised. Again the happiness they described didn’t have anything to do with fame, power, money or what some might expect. What they were happy with was the relationship with their family and friends, or the feeling the got from helping others, or the satisfaction they received from their ability to give back, or the passion they felt for what they did, or the lack of stress and general contentment they had with their roles in life. These were how they defined their happiness.

Were they happy because they were successful, or were their happiness a key component to their success? In the end I decided it was the latter, and that their happiness was the driver of their success, not the result of it. I say this because from a pure logical perspective I can think of lots of people who have loads of money, tons of fame, piles of achievements and tremendous power and authority – but who are still not happy. However, all of the people I know who consider themselves truly happy also consider themselves truly successful. Therefore, happiness must be the key ingredient in defining your success, not the result of it.

It seems that happiness is the DNA of success. All roads branch out from this and all lead back to it. Think about it. You desire success so you can have lots of money so you can be financially secure - which will make you happy (you hope). You want to win the competition because you feel the need to prove yourself and others will admire you, which will make you feel better about yourself - which will make you happy (again, you hope). You have a desire to be in charge, on top, the big boss, which gives you control and prestige, which proves your worth – which will make you really happy. There are those who seek to serve others or improve the world, which satisfies their need to help and love others – which makes them happy. The key is, everything is really driven by happiness, and so success at its most basic elemental level is built on being happy, not on being “successful” in and of itself. The trick is figuring out what will really make you happy because when you know this, only then do you really know what success means to you.

~ Happiness is the DNA of success ~

Many of us, however, get caught up in chasing the means to an end, spending a life pursuing the trappings of success, not the happiness that makes up its true spirit. We get easily confused about what the true end point is and many times end up sacrificing our happiness in pursuit of some objective that was supposed to deliver our happiness in the first place. When we forget that the ultimate goal of being successful is to be happy, we can lose sight of that happiness and become fixated on achieving the means to that end.

In such cases the means actually becomes the end itself; and the end of our happiness as well. One person might get so focused on winning manager of the year that she ends up hurting others, even those she loves – which ultimately makes her unhappy. Another person might get so wrapped up in rising high in the organization that the ballast he jettisons to achieve such altitude ends up being his personal life – which ultimately makes him unhappy. Still another person might get lost in the race to acquire so much wealth and security that by the time they have it, they have alienated all those they would like to share it with - and they are unhappy.

I knew a guy once whom most would view as very successful, at least by the more traditional definition of the word. He had all the traditional trappings of success. He started his own business and as CEO he had the power and control most assume is tied to success. His company went international and was a financial success so he had all the money anyone could ever need, which should have made him successful according to the traditional definition. He had something of a public fame, albeit within a niche community, but still thousands followed his advice and praised his work, which qualified him as successful. But was this man really successful? From the outside absolutely, but from the inside he wasn’t at all. To achieve his businesses success, he had sacrificed that which the geniuses we talked with consider true success. He had sacrificed his happiness. I’ve never known an “unhappier” successful person in my life actually. Sure, he put on a good front in public, but when you got behind the curtain he was angry, volatile, hostile, explosive, insecure and fearful that all he had built would somehow be taken away and based on his profile his only real value of himself was that which he had built – his company. He had sacrificed his relationship with his children and wives. He had sacrificed his health. He had sacrificed his closest friendships and eventually he came to run his company through intimidation and fear. In the end, he had fallen into the trap of chasing the means, not the end. To the world, he was a shining example of success. To himself, however, as he admitted one time during a private discussion late one night, he was a miserable wreck of a man who felt hollow and unhappy deep inside.

For a great many (all too many unfortunately) they fight so hard to get the trappings of success that they damage or destroy that which would really make them happy, like family, friends or even their health. The vital lesson that I think we can take from the geniuses around us is to not get caught up in the means to the end. To be successful means to be happy. So figure out what will really make you happy, then chase that end – always. Chase the end, not the means.

Action Step:
To help you define what success means to you, what is your definition of happiness?

My happiness is:

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This realization of happiness as the DNA of success has marked the beginning of a transition in the lives of thousands of individuals. When it hits, they begin to see, perhaps for the very first time, why they have not been as happy as they wished to be, and once they make this realization, it is nearly impossible to ignore it and continues to be untrue to who they are and what they do best. I have witnessed a great many people, when they come to this point, decide this is the information they needed to give them permission to change their role, or even change their career and change their lives.

I often suffer a fair amount of good-natured ribbing from the executives of the companies I work with because they give me grief as being the guy who got paid to convince their people to leave. I say “good-natured” because in the end they understand and appreciate that it is in no one’s best interest to have an employee who isn’t a good match for the job.

Unless both sides of the equation are fully satisfied the job is unhappy with the individual and the individual is unhappy with the job and no one wins in the end.