Inform Yourself

Responses from “DISC-ing Out A Thanksgiving Meal”
Based on your Behavioral Style this was probably your response to yesterday’s post:

High D – Look how long this is! Doesn’t he know I have things to do and people to meet? I’ll read it later (or not!). Send me the “Cliff Notes” version! Darn, I did forget the ice – I’ll call Andy and have him pick it up.

High I – Cooool! This is funny. Hmmm – a pot luck Thanksgiving meal – I gotta try that next year. Sounds like fun! Hey, that’s Aunt Nellie and that is Uncle Fred. OMG! This is me. He hit me spot on! I’ve gotta send this to Jane and John – They’ll get a real hoot out of this!

High S – Printed out the email and quickly circled the typo at the beginning of the second paragraph. (Yes it was put there on purpose just to satisfy the High S and C people. The one in the High S section really was a typo – congrats on finding that one too!) Started making notes in the margins on how to properly identify styles during the holiday meal. Why is this a narrative rather than a set procedure? Couldn’t he just tell me how to apply this step by step in my business? I’ll outline it and post a response, I know he is busy and could use the help.

High C – Also printed out the document – gotta save it for future reference! Also circled the typos, probably in red and maybe underlined them too! Why did he send out something with this obvious error? I bet the rest of it has errors too. Read the rest of the in proofreading mode – I know there are more mistakes in here. Never really read the document the whole way because their eyes kept being drawn back to the big red circle around the typo! I wonder why he didn’t list statistical proof for his conclusions? Probably disagreed with several points – NO SUPPORTING DOCUMENTATION! - so decided it was inaccurate and tossed it in the trash. (Note to High Cs – You probably think my use of “gotta” two times in this email is inappropriate and improper – two times or three? You can’t help yourself – you’ll go back and count.)

For the non-High I’s in the group, these two emails were just for fun with some training wrapped around.

You’ll notice that the responses above get longer with each style – just like in life. Whether a holiday dinner or a business, Behaviors can tell us exactly what to expect and how to react. Are you using Behaviors to help yourself and your organization?

Again, thanks to my good friend Dr. Dennis Hocker! Behaviors can have a huge impact on how effectiely you interact with others.

Who style are those with whom you are communicating?

How flexible are you in your communication style?

How effectively do you communiate with each style?

A possible resolution for 2009?

DISC-ing Out A Thanksgiving Meal

In a just a little over twenty-four hours, many of us here in the US will have our bellies full of turkey, stuffing, cranberries, pumpkin pie and who knows what other goodies. How we will get that way is the topic of today's email.

WheMany of you are familiar with personality assessments, particularly the Behavioral Type assessments. DISC is an acronym standing for Dominant, Influencing (or Interacting), Supportive (or Steady), and Compliant (or Conscientious) - in other words, how people respond to problems, people, pace and procedures. While many people try to avoid "taking these tests" in an attempt to hide what they feel are their deepest, personal secrets, let the truth be known that these behaviors are very obvious even to the casual observer.

DISC is the universal, observable language. Even if you never have heard of DISC before, you willl certainly recognize a few relatives, friends or acquaintances who exhibit these classic behavioral styles, representing D-I-S-C.

D Style
To High D behavioral types, Thanksgiving dinner is an event. The guest list is figured out on the fly, most likely on the back of a napkin or on whatever writing surface is handy. The list likely will include several strategic business guests. In fact, Thanksgiving dinner is the perfect venue to discuss a few business deals that just can't get done during working hours. High D behavioral types shop for groceries without a list. The fact of the matter is they don't have any idea what they'll serve for dinner - they'll know a good deal when they see it. If the long lines at checkout are too long, they may decide to make reservations at a local restaurant or country club or even order take out. Where ever and whenever they eat, they chose the place, meal and time. To high D's recipes are only guides. They add and substitute ingredients at will and use gravy and sauces to cover up the "mistakes". Microwaveable foods are a staple. If D-types actually do any cooking, the kitchen may be a mess but they know exactly where everything is. They will be in control. If your host is D behavioral style, don't be surprised to get a call on your mobile while on your way to stop for ice. When the D is ready to eat, he/she tells his guests where to sit. During dinner, expect a blow-by-blow description of each course. You'll hear how much time, money or effort it took to prepare. Recipes are described as "best", "special", "can't be beat", and "great deals."

I Style
High I behavioral types don't prepare dinner, they plan a party. They insist on only one rule - NO business talk! Grocery shopping is an experience - they go to the store at the busiest time so they can socialize and meet people. I-behavioral types may spend more time in the party store picking up holiday table cloths, napkins, dishes and decoration more than they do in the grocery store. They carry dozens of coupons, torn (not cut) from newspapers and magazines, stuffed in no particular order into an envelope or purse. I-behavioral types know where everything is in the store, whether you ask them to tell you or not. The guest list includes family, friends, neighbors and anyone who might otherwise have to eat dinner alone. The list resembles the yellow pages. I-types can't remember everyone they invited so they set extra places just in case extra people drop by. What time is dinner? Just drop-in. A menu? You've got to be kidding. The menu is potluck and the I-type just asks everyone to bring something along. I's use recipes but never measure ingredients and substitute freely. They may even experiment with a new recipe. Foods are selected for color, texture, and whatever looks good in their favorite bowls and dishes. They describe each course by how much fun it was to make it or a history on who gave them the recipe. Seating? Sit wherever you'd like. When it comes time to clean-up, guests will be scooted out the door - you'll hear, "I love to clean up." As soon as the last guest leaves, the I-behavioral type host plops down on the couch and "wishes" the dirty dishes away. "They will still be there tomorrow", the I-type thinks aloud, and puts off today what can be done tomorrow - still wishing for the "dish fairy" to come along while he/she is sleeping!

S Style
High S behavioral types prepare dinner for the entire family. In fact, they will prepare enough food to feed a neighborhood. You never know a guest may lot like a particular food or course, so the S prepares back-ups. "Family" for an "S" may include neighbors or anyone who doesn't have family to share the holiday with. "How terrible to spend the holiday alone" they think. They begin planning dinner weeks ahead by preparing a list. Next, they begin to clip coupons, even ones they don't need, just in case they meet someone at the store who doesn't have the right one. This list takes weeks to prepare. Finally the cooking begins. S-behavioral types begin making the feel-good foods first, desserts and appetizers, weeks ahead of time. Personalized invitations are prepared for guests, a few S-types preferring the hand-written invitation, taking the time to personalize each note. Every course is prepared from scratch using his/her favorite recipes, including special foods for the kids and anyone on a special diet. Often times the recipes are family traditions, handed down through the generations. They rarely use the microwave except for warming things up. Guests are seated in groups by family and friends. During dinner the S-behavioral type offers to share his/her recipes with everyone and likely have copies already prepared for distribution. There is always extra food for guests to take home in doggy-bags. The doggy bags may even have each guest's name on them including a label with what's inside and the date.

C Style
High C behavioral types prepare dinner for just the immediate family or may even prefer to eat alone. Dinner is more like a tradition or ritual than a celebration. Guests receive a formal invitation and an RSVP is required. C-types shop with coupons which are organized by aisles. They have a budget and click off items on a calculator as they work their way up and down the aisles. C-types have a practice run of each course throughout the preceding week. Recipes are followed exactly as written using measuring cups, utensils and timers. C-behavioral types would never think of substituting an ingredient, not even one brand for another. Guests have assigned seats and name cards are typed at each setting. (The cards are saved after each meal and re-used at future family events.) Rarely do C-types have any food left over - that would mean they made a mistake. If food is left over, they store it by meals in compartmentalized containers, just like the old "TV dinner". If asked about a recipe, C's describe each course in excruciating detail including the cost of the ingredients, the best place to purchase them, the best time to shop. The recipes are available upon request, which are stored in alphabetical order on computer printouts in the filing cabinet. After dinner, C's refuse everyone's offer to clean up - they have an unchangeable routine and a special place for everything. If by chance you get to peek inside their cabinets, don't be surprised to see the canned goods alphabetized and sized. If the C-Behavioral type does allow you to help, expect explicit instructions how to wash, dry, and put things away...and criticism when you don't do it exactly the "right" way. No one can clean up or put away the dishes as good as the high C behavioral type- so they think!.

A most important take-away from understanding behavioral types is that no one style is right or wrong. Likewise there is not one right way or one wrong way to prepare Thanksgiving dinner.

There is, however, a right way to celebrate Thanksgiving - be thankful for the opportunity to share Thanksgiving with friends and relatives, be thankful for the food you enjoy, be thankful for whomever prepares your meal, and be thankful we can laugh at our behavior!

Thanks to my good friend Dr. Dennis Hocker for sharing this. He is an extremely talented coach.

What role will you be playing on Thanksgiving?

This week is Thanksgiving week in the United States. It is during this time that we take a break from the hustle and bustle of our daily routines and give thanks for that we have and all that has been provided to us.

No matter your current employment status, personal and emotional states, there is much for all of us to be thankful. Most often, we look past the most basic items to be thankful on a daily basis. Why? We look past these basic items because we have become so wrapped up in our worlds that we simply look past many of the most important things in our lives. It is very typical for individuals to do this. The basic items become so much a part of our scenery that we look right past them. Yet, these are most important things in our daily lives. Without these basic items life would not be as fulfilling and even potentially empty! The following are a number of basic items that I am thankful for this week. I say this week because one day just isn’t enough!

Firstly, life! The mere fact that I am living and breathing experiencing life is a great thing! I am thankful for all of the interactions I have on a daily basis. I learn and grow with each one, even those that in the moment may seem less useful for me. When I stop and think about the interactions that might seem less useful in the moment, I often learn they are sometimes the interactions from which I have the most to learn. I would not be experiencing any of these interactions if I weren’t here. Life is awesome!

Secondly, family! Where would any of us be without our families? The hidden meaning here is that none of us would exist if it weren’t for our families. Our parents gave us life, our siblings gave us lessons! Our families have helped mold and shape us into the individuals we are today. While we may want to or have changed some of those things, our families have taught us many things through the course of our lives. Additionally, family will typically support you through the good and bad times. For most, family will represent unconditional love. For others, family can be a challenge. However, there is love in every instance, if you are willing to look!

Thirdly, friends and colleagues! Our friends and colleagues form the nucleus of our daily interactions. Every day we interact and learn from one another. They offer us diversity and variety in our daily lives. Each one of them brings a unique perspective and insight into our daily lives. Are we willing to hear their messages? I am thankful for all of the lessons they have taught me, whether I wanted to learn them or not! They have helped me to grow as an individual!

Fourthly, nature! Yes nature! There is much to see, hear, and feel on a daily basis, if we allow ourselves to experience and appreciate nature. The complete speculum of life is demonstrated to us every day by nature. It reveals many mysteries to us every day. Are you paying attention? Do you allow yourself to stop and smell the roses and really appreciate all that is around you? I remind myself every day to stop and appreciate all that nature has to offer and is showing me on a daily basis. This helps to keep me in balance.

Fifthly, my current financial and emotional states. These current states are teaching me things I need to know as I move forward on my life’s journey. They have taught me that being rich isn’t just the amount of money I have in my bank account or that being happy isn’t about wearing a smile every day. Being financially secure and emotionally happy are deeper than these outward signs. They are teaching you as well. Regardless if you view your state as favorable or unfavorable, you are learning every day. Each of us is at where we are at right now. We are in our current states for a reason. What do you need to learn from your current financial and emotional states?

Finally, I am thankful for my clients. If I didn’t have clients I would not be in business and living my dream. My clients are some of the greatest teachers in the world. I learn something from every interaction with every client. Whether they realize it or not, I learn as much from them as they do from me! My clients come from a wide variety of socio-economic statuses, races, countries, and personal states. Each brings their own unique insights and perceptions of the world which enables me to continually challenge myself to be the best success coach I can be.

So I challenge you to stop and take note of the basic items in your life for which you are thankful. I especially challenge you to do this if you live outside the United States. Regardless of your location, socio-economic and emotional state, there is much for which to be thankful. What are you thankful for today and better yet, everyday?

In my previous post I presented you a process for becoming more self aware. Additionally, I also revealed the key relationship between self awareness and success. The part tying the two together is self management.

While self awareness is a key piece of the foundation for success, self management is the process by which you utilize your self-awareness in achieving greater success either personally or professionally.
So how do you utilize your self-awareness to achieve your success? The following process provides you the keys to utilizing your self-awareness in self-management.

The first step is to recognize what emotions you are experiencing in the current situation. Also, recognize the emotions that others are displaying in the current situation. These emotions have the potential to get in the way of your most important personal and business decisions.

The second step is to be empathetic towards the emotions you and those you are interacting with in a given situation are exhibiting. Being empathetic doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with them however it does mean that you recognize and accept their emotions. Emotions are not right or wrong, good or bad, they are merely emotions. The key here is to recognize the emotions being exhibited. In doing so you give yourself and those with who you are engaged significance. Significance is one of the core emotions everyone seeks in every moment.

The third step is to determine if the emotions being exhibited by all is more or less useful in reaching a decision on a course of action to take. Focus on your emotions first. Other will feed off of the emotions you are outwardly exhibiting about the situation and those involved. Ask yourself, are my emotions hindering me in anyway? If they are, what must you do to change your emotions? Are they the most useful emotions in order for me to make an informed decision right now? It not, what emotions would be more useful?

The fourth step is to take action in changing your emotions to those that would be more useful for the given situation. This is your conscious decision to be more effective in the moment. Change how you feel about the situation to those emotions you identified as being more useful in step three.

The fifth step is to decide on the source of action to take for the given situation. Ask yourself the following:
What is the core issue?
What are my options?
What is my best option?

The sixth step is to acknowledge the emotions of others and then presenting your decision on the course of action you will take. This accomplishes two things. First it again gives those involved significance. They do matter! Secondly, it gives them certainty on how you and they are going to move forward. Certainty is the other core emotion everyone seeks at every moment.

When you utilize the process above you will demonstrate good self management. This is born out of your heightened self awareness. Additionally, it will enable you to interact more effectively with others and make more sound decisions.

How certain are you about where you are headed personally, professionally, or both? What is your plan for getting you there? If you are like most people, your best laid plans have been severely impacted by the current economic conditions in which the world finds itself right now.

So what have you done about it? If you are like most people, you have done nothing except absorb and internalize the negative messages you are bombarded with on a daily basis. This has led the majority of people to become both personally and professionally stagnant. They are no longer focusing on their long term goals and their plan to get there and are instead focusing on day to day survival. When one goes into a state of survival they typically become very short sighted. This short sightedness leads to ineffective decision making. Ineffective decision making leads to uncertainty. Uncertainty generates the fear the vast majority of the population is now experiencing. Fear leads to stagnation. It is safe to say the majority of the population around the world has done little if anything to combat this downward spiral into stagnation.

So why haven’t they done anything to stop or better yet reverse this trend? The reason is simple, they don’t realize they are in the spiral until they hit bottom. They recognize they have hit bottom when their uncertainty hits them like a lightning bolt or a bus as they try and cross the street. They lie awake at night fretting about everything, their stress levels get so high they begin to experience the physical effects, they become more irritable, they no longer smile, they hear themselves constantly complaining about everyone and everything. To put it another way, they wake up one day and they realize they do not enjoy who they have become. They are no longer enjoying life at all!

So what do they do next? When people realize they are at or close to the bottom they have two options. They can do nothing and remain exactly where they are at or they can make a conscious decision to change. This is what they vast majority of the population will do. The second option is to make a conscious decision to change what they hear and how they hear it, the way they are thinking, and how they are operating. They can choose to do this regardless of the environment around them! Their decision to act now gives them the certainty they need to take action!

In order to succeed they must return to focusing on the larger picture. This enables them to determine if their long range goals are still desirable. If not, they redefine them. They also look at their plan to achieve their long term goals and determine if they need to modify their plan. Once they have done this, they can then get back to ensuring they are doing what they need to do to achieve their goals, not someone else’s! These actions now give them the confidence they need to keep moving. Their movement creates even more confidence and certainty they will achieve their goals and get the live life the way they want. Those who take action will succeed.
So I ask you again, how certain are you about where you are headed personally, professionally, or both? Where are you right now? Are you spiraling or are you at the bottom? Are you standing still or are you moving?

I invite you to share your thoughts, comments, and experiences by leaving comments about this post.